The OT plate

I've officially stepped up to working the OT Plate aka overtime. Something I swore off at the old stomping grounds cause the incentive based bonus program was 4 months too late to keep me motivated. Slacker much?

The new digs offers comp time, which is a much more satisfying and immediate 'payoff' and ergo I'm working 10 hour days. I am comforted by realizing that this extra income will help stave off bill collectors and may even cover our infant with real diapers instead of homemade duct tape undergarments.

Even though this extra money equals a bit of financial freedom, it yields excessive stress, reduced family time and zero ability to pursue my typical active endeavors; aka climbing and riding.

I came home yesterday with a load that is stressing my back to the point of hopsitalization. Of course, work isn't the only contributor.

Rewind to last week. The Sukster and I stealed away to the local gym for some climbing and/or adult socialization. We took the dogs. The night was one to remember.

The dogs are more than welcome in the gym, as the owner has a resident dog. Unfortunately their dog is an ass and has no manors. Paws up, nips at your appendages and is a general menace to anyone other than its master.

Our dogs are pussified. For example, at some point this summer Fernando must have had a traumatic event in the yard. This fucker won't lay a paw on the lawn to do his dirty work...yes he's afraid of grass. At any rate, immediately upon entering the gym they both pissed on the floor. Suki had to clean it up. Then came the 'Hey Oak' grab some paper towels, Nandie shit in the corner". (No doubt as a result of not having the balls {literally and figureatively} to go in the yard). Five minutes in, two pees and one poo.

I harnessed up and farted around on some problems and cursed 'gym climbing'. Thankfully Suki was able to belay me on some easy climbs. A few climbs later as Suki was clipping in she said ' It smells like shit in here", I looked behind her and said " That's cause Cookie shit right there". These dogs, perpetually being complemented by strangers as well behaved and friendly, managed to defile the gym in a matter of an hour. Thankfully there were no other customers there that night.

After I finished a climb and was walking over to grab a drink, it happened. The left leg loop of my harness tightened up and rolled over what the doctors would refer to as my 'left groin'. I was a bit more specific during my appointments and noted that my lefticle was bothering me.

Worries of nut cancer and other horrific testicular damage ran through our minds. Turns out its just a Thrombose vein. Whatever. My new doctor suggested I stop climbing...HA! Pussy.

Of course, I'm kinda partial to the boys. Luckily we have one on the way, so I know the little guys can still swim.

Last night was rough. Heating pads, chammomile tea, and back rubs helped, as did constant realization that I needed to relax my shoulders.

I'm strong and committed to providing for and raising our family. We have goals, optimism and a healthy dose of reality based humor, which brings levity to the situation. But it's going to be rough going in the short term.

All this means is, hot baths, working out, eating healthy, establishing a sleep schedule and lots of fellatio...I hope.

I still need that beer.

It's obvious.

I need to break something.

Last night after calming the Sukster down and preventing maternicide I decided to go old school and broke out a VHS tape of Dr. No. Not sure if it was the fact that the tape case was a little broken, or the AC wasn't on, or if it was the steam coming off of the hair straightener...probably all of the above, but when the tape wouldn't play and then wouldn't eject, well, Mr. Cool (that's me) lost it. Apparently my reaction and the families reaction to my reaction was approved.

An odd turn of events...see Suki's post regarding a small dog and an ignorant mutt owner for the irony.

Have you ever stabbed a VHS tape to death? Have you cursed at it relentlessly in front of a 13 year old? In front of a pregnant woman? Have you gotten pissed that you weren't even afforded the luxury of pulling said tangled tape out in streams of anger? And then thrown said tape at the hallway wall? Mind you, I had already rationalized the internal conflict of realizing the domino affect this could have had on the recently painted hallway wall... I aimed low.

No one was harmed during the incident, I feel better, although I had to go to my sub-par backup plan which featured the lesser Bond (Moore) in Live and Let Die. Aside from Seymour, it sucked.

Thank Allah for DVDs.

The VCR has issued a restraining order, although I'll probably break down to insert a dated copy of some classic porn.

Ahhh, the weekend arrives just in time.

I want to live eeen America

NOT!

Imma stressed out and ready to rumble ala The Jets and Sharks.

Fuck heads threaten a pregnant woman and only get sent to the office to reflect? How about I remove your filthy manhood, since I don't want you representing my gender and there's absolutely no way in HELL that you should be able to reproduce.

I'll find you and you're little dog 'Tito' too.

Fuckin' punk.

And and a big eff to you too Mr. VP. Way to establish the hierarchy in your classrooms by telling your lazy, smartassed, mindless fucks of students that the teacher is in a weaker position. Brilliant rhetoric like that deserves a 20% Bonus for sure. May you be relegated to teaching these kids personally from Strike Day 1 until you meet your maker.

The school district should be razed. It's apparently worthless anyway, at least to the 90% of 20 year old 5th graders that just don't get it, and obviously never will.

I need a beer and a hand grenade. Anyone? Anyone?