Bring it on!

We have, by any measurable means, been through just about anything you could be put through in the last 17 months.

That being said, I've taken on a perspective, in fact have always had deep within my mind, that life is a test. You can pass the test, daily, hourly, monthly, 9-monthly...or you can fail and have yourself declared insane and mentally incompetent.

We shall pass this test and any others that anyone throws our way.

It's all good!

7-11

G...U...L...P.

I'm a newbie...

I have a 10 month old boy...I'm new at the whole parenthood game. I also have a newly turned 14 year old step-daughter. I've been baptized by fire for sure. Coming into the game late with her, establishing not only a relationship with her, but also authority and trying to help her gain freedoms, responsibility and life skills.

She and her mom have a great relationship. One that is under stress now that she is officially a teenager and therefore conflicts arise, teen-tudes prevail and we are unfair since her friends are allowed to do this or that.

The problems are not merely age defined though. A lot of her friends have older parents. The youngest kids of the lot. I would say they typically have more freedom than their older siblings ever did, but it goes beyond that. These parents have simply given up on being the authority. In fact, one friend told her mom that she wasn't going to clean her room unless she was allowed to have someone sleep over. Disrespectful, intolerable and certainly not plausible in our household. Neither of us would stand for that, and one of us would be asking friends and family for bail money if it ever came to that.

As for my inexperience and fresh approach to parental guidance, I still understand life skills, how they apply to ultimate independance, how they will form good grounding for time management, acceptance of responsibility and some day good parenting.

In this house, I'm the task Nazi, I'm the strict one, I hold her accountable for her actions, or when it comes to responsibilities like homework and chores, her inactions. The problem arises that her mom and I are not on the same page.

As a teen, her level of responsibility is attuned to her age. Homework and some chores (as spelled out in our recent emergency family meeting, dishes, clean your room and help out here and there).

Her after school curfew was set at this meeting to 3:45pm. She usually retires around 11pm. This allows 7 hours to complete any of these 'responsibilities'. Ample time by most standards.

Furthermore, her chores, specifically the dishes, NEED to be done by 8pm, the Professor's bedtime, less she wake him from his much desired rest and cause another plead for bail monies.

Herein lies the problem, procrastination, lack of attention from her end and lack of follow through by the parental units (us), has yielded untouched dishes as late as 10:30...this means they go unwashed for another day...which means additional dishes...which means longer time allotment necessary...which means less free time.

I'm not a kill joy. My goals for the kid are to be more efficient in completing tasks, increased focus and better grades for increased life opportunities. These are her mom's desires as well.

But last night, at 10:30 when she finished her homework, browsed myspace, watched youtube videos and texted 100 friends and she had yet to touch the kitchen or her room, she sat with us in the living room. I asked if all of her homework was done...yes. I asked if she had done the dishes, nope...mom intervened and said it will have to wait until tomorrow, it was too late. She had her out. Of course I pointed out that she could still clean her room. 10 minutes later I reiterated that she needed to work on her room. She left, huffed and puffed.

At this point her mother scolded me for pushing her out of, or chasing her away from family time. I fell like giving up. If we are to raise someone who is accountable for her decisions and actions, one who is capable of getting business done on time and efficiently so that 4-5 of those hours after school are 'free' then we need to be on the same page. We are not.

I'm not home at 3:45, I'm not home until 6 most nights. I want her to succeed not just letter grade wise but life skill wise. If every 10 minute task takes 40 minutes she'll never get anything done and never have the free time.

There was a trip planned two years ago to New Hampshire. I had a huge project deadline looming and a ton of work to complete if I was to be able to go. My sensei and new found climbing partner issued the following statement: "...the deadline does not choose you. You choose the deadline". I completed the task at hand, ahead of schedule and was able to drive with Suki to Rumney, New Hampshire for a 4th of July that changed our lives forever.

What trip could she miss? What opportunities will she never see, because she was unable to get something done?

I don't want that for her, I don't want that for the Professor. I don't want to be a kill joy, I want these kids to become self-sufficient and successful. Able to handle increased pressure and stress, more responsibility. It starts now, the foundation. Do your homework, help out around the house, do it well and efficiently so that the free time left over is worth that much more.

I worked my ass off to drive 9 hours and fall in love with the mother of my only son. I'm proud that I had the drive and focus to make it happen.

She's smart, capable and fun loving, but she's also a teenager, she needs guidance.

Journey

Not the band.

As spelled out on a Suki's blog, we recently ventured to the great White Mountain state for a much needed vacation, rejuvenation and reconnection. Only to be slightly marred by illness, and unfortunate death, and some selfishness.

Regardless of these 'ailments' the trip got us back on track. We took in the fresh clean air, saw the starry night, climbed on fantastic rock and exposed our little professor to all of it. I am sure he is better for it. Even if it meant being strapped into a hot car seat for 18 hours.

I won't call anyone out for their lack of active participation in the trip, but will insist that mandatory travel cost donations be made by all, up front in the future. It's old hat for me.

You wanna carpool on a big trip? Fine all occupants put a twenty spot in the ashtray for gas, and tolls. When this is depleted, everyone chips in the same amount. Leftovers are split evenly at the end of the trip. Fair is fair.

We have also gone on many local jaunts, searching for our new home. We actually found it 4 weeks ago, but with terminally ill sellers and a lackluster, greedy listing agent in the way, we are still no closer to moving. We've driven our agent to the brink, dragging him all over a three school district area and we certainly owe him our gratitude and a few rounds of tasty brews when this comes to a close...even if he is a Yankee fan.

Our latest find in housing market is huge, literally and figuratively (as in $ figure). It has tons of potential, just needs a thorough scrubbing, and painting. Hopefully the current owner take the bottle of baby oil and box of tissues with him. Okay, maybe it needs a hazmat team as well. Suki has lots of ideas for the interior and I see a blank slate outside. Tonight we make an offer and see. The other greedy fucker can cry his lame ass to sleep and explain to the sellers that because of his lack of attention and slight of hand tactics, he no longer has a buyer for their house. I do hope that they recover.

Finally, once we find out, we will need to make the trip to a local HD or Lowes to buy a barrel of paint and coveralls, cause this place is huge!

Empty.

Empty feelings, empty core.

Emptied out, outside in.

Numb yet sad. Mad but hopeful.

Frustration grips tight, tighter still.

Mistakes made, not forgiven.

Moving forward to fall back.

Neither wishing ill will. No one knows.

Inner peace gone, searching within.

Heart skips not like before. Doors open and close.

Where, when will it be right? To think of life without?

No.

We must fill each other.

With Love.

With Understanding, acceptance, truth, transparency.

With teamwork, with each other,

We shall be full again. Turning heads of passers by.

They knew, we didn't.

They don't, we do, I do, do you?

Time to empty the emptiness once and for all.

I do.

Sarcastic, pessimistic assholes.

That's what we're dealing with here. WE met some enlightened folks last night at the local climbing gym. Four kids all under 4 years of age, including a 2 month old. The mom was happy as a clam. (I won't mention her gargantuan ta-ta's).

We were like, wtf? How can you be this effing happy without sleep for like 4-5 years? We were discussing this to ourselves and thought that perhaps their Christian faith may have something to do with the positive outlook. I suggested that they may just be dumb, and recounted people that I've known, worked with or met that were a mere few brain cells, one additional synapse ahead of the brain dead, that seemed to be so happy go lucky. I also suggested that people like us, not necessarily mensa, but intelligent creatures nonetheless, get irratated and sarcasm prevails when we must interact with these folks.

Suki suggested we find Jesus, I proclaimed that we are in search of a Deity to set us on the right path.

Not to be construed that we are not thankful for what we do have, we just bitch a bit too much.

We often find ourselves realizing that our outlook is less than optimistic, but that may be a by-product of no sleep, no exercise and shitty diets.

Well, sleep is increasing, we've been hitting the gym on a semi-regular schedule and as soon as the Prof weans, we should see a marked increase in positivity.

Until then, praise allah and go fuck yourself.

Leather Helmet

Yesterday was a tough day to be in our household.



It began in the wee hours of morning, for some reason the Prof was not interested in sleeping. And in fact was hoping to play. Suki tried to get him back to sleep. Then I tried. Then Suki tried again and failing, decided to bring him in to our room. A couple of flicks to a portion of my anatomy that is rather sensitive woke me and I reacted poorly. Junior climbed in bed with us and immediately started climbing on my face. Forget that! Back to the nursery with you little man. Finally back to sleep some 2 hours later.



Up early to head to the gastro specialist, the one we had to wait several months to see. Needless to say neither mom or dad were in a particularly great mood. Not bad, but definitely exhausted.



It appears that when I am in this state of sleep dep I am awnry and clumsy...



Two years ago we met and began a climbing partnership. It seemed that I was out to injure Suki with anything...ropes, rocks...It was unintentional and we joked about it. It has been awhile and without incident we've avoided injury.

Yesterday I accidentally kneed her in the face trying to save her from being scalped by a 9 month old, I was imitating our boy's tendancy to climb on us and unfortunately almost gouged her eye out. Then while lounging on the sofa (or couch) I went to imitate a play we just watched on TV and flicked the side of her head. Suki got pissed and issued a anger filled "Jesus Christ, What the fuck?" before I had the chance to say anything. Understand that I was going to apologize, yet was taken back by the reaction, and issued one with some "you gotta be kidding me, you think that was intentional?" tone. She and I were exhausted and it was obvious that neither of us were ourselves.

I went up to apologize and she suggested that she might need a helmet or brick wall built to protect her from my path of destruction. I tried to explain that it was not intentional and accidental. She has a theory that there are no accidents. How do you argue that there are?

At any rate, we slept, we cuddled and woke up in better moods. I'll be picking up a leather helmet on my way home regardless, I get clumsy with poor sleep.

I am truly sorry. I don't wish my partner to be blind with a lumpy head. I like her just the way she is and want to protect her and my nest.